One Flew East, One Flew West.......
In his final thoughts on the Scottish elections - published at the weekend in the Sunday Herald - Gary Tank Commander conjures up an image from my favourite film ever - 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'.
Now I'm not sure if Alex Salmond and Nurse Ratched is an apt comparison - but it is fair to say that the SNP leader now rules the roost at Holyrood - such was the scale of his victory.
The other similarity may be that many former inmates (MSPs) have now left the Holyrood 'asylum' - but unlike the film they didn't escape - they've been booted out by the Scottish voters.
‘Big Ek storms it and the radges are pure ragin’
HIYA, it’s me – Gary.
And ah tell you whit … if someone hud sayd tae me six weeks ago: “Gary, in six weeks time there’s goin tae be a Scottish Election, folk are goin tae vote and some radge is goin tae win”, ah wid never huv believed you! But here, it’s happened. It’s done, and frankly, thank God – cos it wiz daein ma head in. Ah ken whit yous are thinkin, yous are thinkin: Gary, dinny dae this tae us. Tell us, Gary ... who’s won?
Well, the winner is ... Big Ek n the SNP! He’s pure done it! Honestly – ah mean folk sayd he wiz goin tae dae it ... and he did. So actually, no even that big a surprise – basically, everyone kent he wiz goin tae win, he did win and that’s it. Obviously it’s no that simple (it is) but let’s see whit went wrong wi the other radges.
First up, Iain Gray. Some ay this boy’s campaign decisions were worse than Osama sayin: “Here, that’s the door, I’ll get it.” I mean, we all ken he ran away fae the protesters in Central Station and ended up in Subway lookin like a tube, we aw ken that he ran away fae Big Ek in Asda, and rumour wiz he ran away fae a shadow that turned oot tae be his – but the bottom line wi Iain wiz that folk just couldnae stick his borin moanin.
In the final days ay the campaign ah wiz telt he wiz oot on a 40-hour non-stoap canvassin hing – 40-hour? Whit?! Imagine getting yir door chapped at 4am n it’s the master ay gloom standin at yir door sayin: “Did you know the Tories are back?” “Iain, git tae! Seriously, the plants are dying, git away fae the hoose.”
N whit aboot poor old Tavish n the Lib Cons, eh? Who would ay thought that just cos his radge English cousins started hingin aboot wi they posh bams that folk up here wouldnae want tae huv anything tae dae wi him? But that’s the hing. Scottish folk just dinny like posh folk – it’s aw the cutlery. Whit’s this fork fir? Nae doubt Annabel Goldie could tell you cos she’s posh and she sounds like a Home Eccy supply teacher. Tae be fair, she’s kept her seat, but then a hink a lot ay chimney sweeps voted fir her after she said the Tories would let folk leave school at 14.
Ek n the SNP couldnae lose, no if your opposition consists aye a boy that runs away mair than Forrest Gump getting chased by the polis – or a radge called Tavish who’s slaggin oaf his ain boss fir hingin aboot wi folk wi plums fir teeth or a mad posh bird that’s after everyyin’s short n curlies. Whit an election selection!
Wi this lot, Big Ek’s basically Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – she ruled that madhoose, and now Ek’s goat the same hing tae look forward tae. The question is, can Iain Gray lift that sink, smash the windae, and get some decent chat aboot him, or will he stay soundin pure medicated – and under Nurse Salmond’s massive thumb? We’ll SNP!
And who did ah vote fir? Let’s just say ... ah love pirates, and ah love parties. Cheers fir reading and u’ll see yous later!!!
Now I'm not sure if Alex Salmond and Nurse Ratched is an apt comparison - but it is fair to say that the SNP leader now rules the roost at Holyrood - such was the scale of his victory.
The other similarity may be that many former inmates (MSPs) have now left the Holyrood 'asylum' - but unlike the film they didn't escape - they've been booted out by the Scottish voters.
‘Big Ek storms it and the radges are pure ragin’
HIYA, it’s me – Gary.
And ah tell you whit … if someone hud sayd tae me six weeks ago: “Gary, in six weeks time there’s goin tae be a Scottish Election, folk are goin tae vote and some radge is goin tae win”, ah wid never huv believed you! But here, it’s happened. It’s done, and frankly, thank God – cos it wiz daein ma head in. Ah ken whit yous are thinkin, yous are thinkin: Gary, dinny dae this tae us. Tell us, Gary ... who’s won?
Well, the winner is ... Big Ek n the SNP! He’s pure done it! Honestly – ah mean folk sayd he wiz goin tae dae it ... and he did. So actually, no even that big a surprise – basically, everyone kent he wiz goin tae win, he did win and that’s it. Obviously it’s no that simple (it is) but let’s see whit went wrong wi the other radges.
First up, Iain Gray. Some ay this boy’s campaign decisions were worse than Osama sayin: “Here, that’s the door, I’ll get it.” I mean, we all ken he ran away fae the protesters in Central Station and ended up in Subway lookin like a tube, we aw ken that he ran away fae Big Ek in Asda, and rumour wiz he ran away fae a shadow that turned oot tae be his – but the bottom line wi Iain wiz that folk just couldnae stick his borin moanin.
In the final days ay the campaign ah wiz telt he wiz oot on a 40-hour non-stoap canvassin hing – 40-hour? Whit?! Imagine getting yir door chapped at 4am n it’s the master ay gloom standin at yir door sayin: “Did you know the Tories are back?” “Iain, git tae! Seriously, the plants are dying, git away fae the hoose.”
N whit aboot poor old Tavish n the Lib Cons, eh? Who would ay thought that just cos his radge English cousins started hingin aboot wi they posh bams that folk up here wouldnae want tae huv anything tae dae wi him? But that’s the hing. Scottish folk just dinny like posh folk – it’s aw the cutlery. Whit’s this fork fir? Nae doubt Annabel Goldie could tell you cos she’s posh and she sounds like a Home Eccy supply teacher. Tae be fair, she’s kept her seat, but then a hink a lot ay chimney sweeps voted fir her after she said the Tories would let folk leave school at 14.
Ek n the SNP couldnae lose, no if your opposition consists aye a boy that runs away mair than Forrest Gump getting chased by the polis – or a radge called Tavish who’s slaggin oaf his ain boss fir hingin aboot wi folk wi plums fir teeth or a mad posh bird that’s after everyyin’s short n curlies. Whit an election selection!
Wi this lot, Big Ek’s basically Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – she ruled that madhoose, and now Ek’s goat the same hing tae look forward tae. The question is, can Iain Gray lift that sink, smash the windae, and get some decent chat aboot him, or will he stay soundin pure medicated – and under Nurse Salmond’s massive thumb? We’ll SNP!
And who did ah vote fir? Let’s just say ... ah love pirates, and ah love parties. Cheers fir reading and u’ll see yous later!!!
