Yes Sir, Sir
Yesterday was the closing date for applications to become Britain's top cop - Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police Force - which covers the whole of greater London.
Now I didn't submit an application - you'll be glad or sad to hear.
Because I am busy with other things - and anyway I didn't see the point - despite my track record of achievement, wide experience of life - and excellent communication skills.
But what I would like to know is - why are so many 'top cops' also knights of the realm - when they are also serving police officers.
Now what's that all about?
The last Met Commissioner was Sir Paul Stephenson - and the one before him was Sir Ian Blair.
The current President of ACPO (Association of Chief Police Officers) is Sir Hugh Orde - and there's at least one other 'Sir' acting as a chief constable - somewhere in the north west of England, I believe.
Clearly this must be confusing - because how do the ordinary coppers and 'bobbies on the beat' address their boss?
Normally they would jump to attention and say - 'Yes Sir' - according to all the TV programmes and films I've ever seen anyway.
But with all these knights of the realm clogging up the place - presumably the protocol now is to salute and say - 'Yes Sir, Sir'.
You have to admit it's like something out of Catch 22 - the famous anti-war novel by Joseph Heller - in which there is a crazy character called Major.
The twist is that Major is also a Major - and therefore he has to be called 'Major Major' - which leads to no end of confusion during the 'fog of war'.
To my mind there's something odd about top police officers being 'knighted' while still on active duty - somehow it muddies the waters and just doesn't seem right.
So I would give the top job at the London Met to Stephen House - the current chief constable of Strathclyde Police.
House appears to have got on fine with his job - without all this bowing and scraping and 'Yes Sir, Sir' nonsense.
But he's also given his officers the leadership and support they required - to tackle the menace of street gangs - which is going to be the new number one priority of the London Met.
Now I didn't submit an application - you'll be glad or sad to hear.
Because I am busy with other things - and anyway I didn't see the point - despite my track record of achievement, wide experience of life - and excellent communication skills.
But what I would like to know is - why are so many 'top cops' also knights of the realm - when they are also serving police officers.
Now what's that all about?
The last Met Commissioner was Sir Paul Stephenson - and the one before him was Sir Ian Blair.
The current President of ACPO (Association of Chief Police Officers) is Sir Hugh Orde - and there's at least one other 'Sir' acting as a chief constable - somewhere in the north west of England, I believe.
Clearly this must be confusing - because how do the ordinary coppers and 'bobbies on the beat' address their boss?
Normally they would jump to attention and say - 'Yes Sir' - according to all the TV programmes and films I've ever seen anyway.
But with all these knights of the realm clogging up the place - presumably the protocol now is to salute and say - 'Yes Sir, Sir'.
You have to admit it's like something out of Catch 22 - the famous anti-war novel by Joseph Heller - in which there is a crazy character called Major.
The twist is that Major is also a Major - and therefore he has to be called 'Major Major' - which leads to no end of confusion during the 'fog of war'.
To my mind there's something odd about top police officers being 'knighted' while still on active duty - somehow it muddies the waters and just doesn't seem right.
So I would give the top job at the London Met to Stephen House - the current chief constable of Strathclyde Police.
House appears to have got on fine with his job - without all this bowing and scraping and 'Yes Sir, Sir' nonsense.
But he's also given his officers the leadership and support they required - to tackle the menace of street gangs - which is going to be the new number one priority of the London Met.
