Fookin' Seagulls
I was sad to read this BBC report which deals with one of my greatest pet hates of all time - Fookin' Seagulls.
Now to be honest I blame the bureaucrats and politicians for making a protected species of this horrible pest and if you ask me, these could birds are nothing but a blight on our inner cities.
So why are they offered special protection, as if they're on a par with Golden Eagles and Ospreys?
And while I can understand that it's difficult to hold a particular building owner responsible for a specific attack, I do think there should be an obligation on all property owners to prevent seagulls from nesting on their roofs - which is where the problems start.
I take my hat off to Cathie Kelly for highlighting the problem, maybe one of these days our councils and politicians will do something other than wring their hands.
Cathie Kelly loses seagull swoop injury compensation bid
Cathie Kelly raised an action for damages against the owners of the building
A woman who claimed she was hurt by a swooping seagull has lost her legal bid for £7,000 damages.
Cathie Kelly said she stumbled on steps as she tried to escape the "terrifying" dive-bombing bird outside the Ladyburn business centre in Greenock.
She said the building's owners had not taken sufficient care of her safety.
A judge at the Court of Session rejected her case after hearing that it was not possible to say where the gull responsible for the attack came from.
Landlords Riverside Inverclyde (Property Holdings) disputed Mrs Kelly's claim that it did not take sufficient care of her safety.
The court heard how a nearby rubbish dump was a magnet for gulls which nested on the old Victorian school building in Pottery Street.
Aggressive gulls
They were said to become aggressive when they had chicks.
The judge was told of people dashing in and out of the Pottery Street building using umbrellas and how garages in the vicinity flew helium balloons to protect their cars from droppings.
Mrs Kelly, 59, from Glasgow, claimed there had previously been patrols using owls and hawks to try to get rid of the menace.
She said that she stopped for lunch on 17 June last year and planned to head for a nearby burger van to buy something to eat.
A woman who claimed she was hurt by a swooping seagull has lost her legal bid for £7,000 damages.
Cathie Kelly said she stumbled on steps as she tried to escape the "terrifying" dive-bombing bird outside the Ladyburn business centre in Greenock.
She said the building's owners had not taken sufficient care of her safety.
A judge at the Court of Session rejected her case after hearing that it was not possible to say where the gull responsible for the attack came from.
Landlords Riverside Inverclyde (Property Holdings) disputed Mrs Kelly's claim that it did not take sufficient care of her safety.
The court heard how a nearby rubbish dump was a magnet for gulls which nested on the old Victorian school building in Pottery Street.
Aggressive gulls
They were said to become aggressive when they had chicks.
The judge was told of people dashing in and out of the Pottery Street building using umbrellas and how garages in the vicinity flew helium balloons to protect their cars from droppings.
Mrs Kelly, 59, from Glasgow, claimed there had previously been patrols using owls and hawks to try to get rid of the menace.
She said that she stopped for lunch on 17 June last year and planned to head for a nearby burger van to buy something to eat.
The court heard seagulls nested on the old Victorian school building
She said it was impossible to see through the stained glass of the door as she went outside.
"I walked out the door and I barely got to the bottom of the steps and this gull came for me at full speed, wings outstretched, coming right for my face," she said.
"I realised I would never get to the van so I had to get back into the building for safety."
Mrs Kelly said: "It was screaming at me. I was terrified. I thought it was going for my face.
"I couldn't look up to see it because it was right over my head and I really thought it was going to hurt me. I was shouting but it would not go away."
The court heard how as Mrs Kelly turned to go back inside her left shoe came off and she stumbled onto the steps.
"I was badly winded and I was in instant pain. It was very painful," she said.
'Shaken and distressed'
Court papers said the incident left Mrs Kelly, who worked for CVS Inverclyde, "shaken and distressed".
She was off work for two weeks. then took to carrying an umbrella to protect herself as she made her way to and from her office.
Experts on gull behaviour told the court that the birds were "free wild creatures" protecting their young - but where a chick was found was no indication as to where it had come from.
In rejecting Mrs Kelly's claim, the judge said the crucial question was whether the attacking gull came from the LBC building and this could not be known.
She said it was impossible to see through the stained glass of the door as she went outside.
"I walked out the door and I barely got to the bottom of the steps and this gull came for me at full speed, wings outstretched, coming right for my face," she said.
"I realised I would never get to the van so I had to get back into the building for safety."
Mrs Kelly said: "It was screaming at me. I was terrified. I thought it was going for my face.
"I couldn't look up to see it because it was right over my head and I really thought it was going to hurt me. I was shouting but it would not go away."
The court heard how as Mrs Kelly turned to go back inside her left shoe came off and she stumbled onto the steps.
"I was badly winded and I was in instant pain. It was very painful," she said.
'Shaken and distressed'
Court papers said the incident left Mrs Kelly, who worked for CVS Inverclyde, "shaken and distressed".
She was off work for two weeks. then took to carrying an umbrella to protect herself as she made her way to and from her office.
Experts on gull behaviour told the court that the birds were "free wild creatures" protecting their young - but where a chick was found was no indication as to where it had come from.
In rejecting Mrs Kelly's claim, the judge said the crucial question was whether the attacking gull came from the LBC building and this could not be known.
Seagulls Don't Drink or Smoke (22 July 2011)
Seagulls are my least favourite creatures in the world - by a mile.
To my mind they are the vermin of the skies - and for the life of me I can't understand why they are a protected species.
Now my grievances against gulls are many, varied and deeply held - so let's get a few of their worst characteristics on the record.
Seagulls are highly aggressive, territorial birds that live in towns and cities these days - they make their living by plundering people's rubbish - and by robbing their smaller avian cousins such as magpies.
Seagulls are not possessed of a lovely call or birdsong - instead they squawk and screech raucously - at all hours of the day and night - and without any regard to their neighbours or the noise pollution by-laws.
Worse still - if they have a chick - the ugly, fledgling bird follows its parents around for weeks on end - whistling incessantly as it begs for food.
In Glasgow these foul creatures spread rubbish everywhere littering the streets - crapping on everyone as the go - and seem to live on a diet of chips and half-eaten kebabs.
But they don't drink or smoke - as far as I can tell - so maybe that's the secret of their longevity and success.
As soon as I become Prime Minister - or even the leader of Glasgow City Council - I am going to campaign for a new law to rid us of these pests.
In a humane fashion of course - even though the demons inside me want to exact a terrible revenge.
What's needed is a policy and plan for removing their eggs - replacing them with false eggs - because the birds are too stupid to know any different.
And before you know it - a whole generation or two of gulls get wiped out - and peace and calm is restored to our city centres.
To my mind they are the vermin of the skies - and for the life of me I can't understand why they are a protected species.
Now my grievances against gulls are many, varied and deeply held - so let's get a few of their worst characteristics on the record.
Seagulls are highly aggressive, territorial birds that live in towns and cities these days - they make their living by plundering people's rubbish - and by robbing their smaller avian cousins such as magpies.
Seagulls are not possessed of a lovely call or birdsong - instead they squawk and screech raucously - at all hours of the day and night - and without any regard to their neighbours or the noise pollution by-laws.
Worse still - if they have a chick - the ugly, fledgling bird follows its parents around for weeks on end - whistling incessantly as it begs for food.
In Glasgow these foul creatures spread rubbish everywhere littering the streets - crapping on everyone as the go - and seem to live on a diet of chips and half-eaten kebabs.
But they don't drink or smoke - as far as I can tell - so maybe that's the secret of their longevity and success.
As soon as I become Prime Minister - or even the leader of Glasgow City Council - I am going to campaign for a new law to rid us of these pests.
In a humane fashion of course - even though the demons inside me want to exact a terrible revenge.
What's needed is a policy and plan for removing their eggs - replacing them with false eggs - because the birds are too stupid to know any different.
And before you know it - a whole generation or two of gulls get wiped out - and peace and calm is restored to our city centres.
Fookin' Seagulls
I published an article from the Hidden Glasgow web site recently - which had some interesting, if somewhat restrained, things to say about the menace of urban seagulls.
See post dated 6 August 2011 - 'No Mean City'.
But this article also had a number of readers' comments - which made me laugh my head off at the time - and help illustrate why Glasgow is such a funny, crazy place to live.
Even though the city has more than its fair share of seagulls.
Remember - the context of the 'discussion' is how to get rid of these killer birds.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by crazygray23
purchase a bird of prey, seagulls are scared shitless by them.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by Doorstop
Yeah, I'm popping out to ASDA this morning for a spare Eagle, a replacement Buzzard and a half a pound of Sparrowhawk.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by Reenie Bujman
I'm going to dress up as Wile E. Coyote and use a giant Acme vacuum cleaner to hoover them out of the sky.
(It's quiet on the ward this morning...)
See post dated 6 August 2011 - 'No Mean City'.
But this article also had a number of readers' comments - which made me laugh my head off at the time - and help illustrate why Glasgow is such a funny, crazy place to live.
Even though the city has more than its fair share of seagulls.
Remember - the context of the 'discussion' is how to get rid of these killer birds.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by crazygray23
purchase a bird of prey, seagulls are scared shitless by them.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by Doorstop
Yeah, I'm popping out to ASDA this morning for a spare Eagle, a replacement Buzzard and a half a pound of Sparrowhawk.
Re: Fookin seagulls
by Reenie Bujman
I'm going to dress up as Wile E. Coyote and use a giant Acme vacuum cleaner to hoover them out of the sky.
(It's quiet on the ward this morning...)
