'Bottler' Brown
Gordon Brown acquired a reputation as a 'bottler' when he finally replaced Tony Blair as leader of the Labour Party, but refused when he subsequently became Prime Minister to call an early general election to seek a new mandate from the voters.
Now this was widely seen at the time as a strategic error because Gordon had never led Labour into an election campaign, so he had never really been tested in the top job where, of course, there is nowhere to hide and no one else to blame.
So in the Scottish Labour Party's hour of greatest need is Gordon going to step up to the plate, put his personal ambitions and globetrotting lifestyle to one side - and accept the challenge of standing for election as leader of Scottish Labour?
I suspect not myself, but we shall soon see.
Where's Gordon? (6 October 2014)
The latest wheeze is the launch of a petition demanding that the Prime Minister, David Cameron, honour the vow on home rule for Scotland which all three UK party leaders (David Cameron, Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg) made ahead of the Scottish independence referendum.
Now if you ask me this is a very strange way to behave, since a petition is normal used to persuade a government body to do something, or to not do something, as the case may be.
Equal pay would be a good example of an issue that would lend itself to a petition, by calling for the government to enforce more rigorously legislation which has been the law of the land for over 40 years, ever since the Equal Pay Act of 1970.
Now it would have been good to see a Labour inspired petition in support of equal pay over the past 10 years when the fight has been raging in Scotland, often against Labour controlled councils in Glasgow, North Lanarkshire and South Lanarkshire.
Now if you ask me this is a very strange way to behave, since a petition is normal used to persuade a government body to do something, or to not do something, as the case may be.
Equal pay would be a good example of an issue that would lend itself to a petition, by calling for the government to enforce more rigorously legislation which has been the law of the land for over 40 years, ever since the Equal Pay Act of 1970.
Now it would have been good to see a Labour inspired petition in support of equal pay over the past 10 years when the fight has been raging in Scotland, often against Labour controlled councils in Glasgow, North Lanarkshire and South Lanarkshire.
But sadly, Gordon and his Labour petitioners have been nowhere to be seen on the thorny subject of equal pay and yet they have the time and energy to launch a petition on a subject when all three UK parties have already pledged their support, in principle, for home rule, Devo Max and more powers for the Scottish Parliament.
Little wonder then that the Labour Party's fortunes in Scotland continue to decline.
The Scottish Labour Party seems to have outsourced its leadership function to Gordon Brown in recent weeks.
Because the part-time Labour MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath seems to be running the whole show while the party's putative Scottish leader, Johann Lamont, is nowhere to be seen, reduced to the role of a bag carrier while Gordon bangs his drum.
Now I find this remarkable because Gordon Brown could easily arrange to return to front-line politics in The Scottish Parliament, but I'm sure he won't do so because he has bigger fish too fry and other interests in his life.
Yet the former Labour leader still calls all the shots when it comes to the Scottish Labour Party, for example, one of his supporters and political proteges, Iain Gray MSP, has just been appointed to represent Labour on the all-party commission which is looking at the issue of Devo Max and new powers for the Scottish Parliament.
Meanwhile, Gordon keeps up his exhortations about what should happen and why, for example that the Scottish Parliament should not have full powers over income tax because apparently this represents some kind of elaborate Tory trap, which sounds a bit paranoid if you ask me.
In fact, if you ask me, Gordon Brown's behaviour is all about what's in the best interests of the Labour Party and Gordon Brown himself, rather than what is good or best for the country at large, for example on the issue of English votes for English laws.
Because it seems to me that you cannot convincingly argue that Scots should have control over their own affairs, 'home rule' in Scotland, while trying to deny the same to voters in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Yet that is exactly what Gordon Brown is trying to achieve because the votes of Scottish MPs (which have been mainly Labour up until now) have proved very useful down the years to Labour Governments in the Westminster Parliament.
But just imagine a majority of Scottish MPs were drawn from the SNP or parties other than Labour - you can rest assured that this ridiculous argument would be quickly thrown into reverse before bing abandoned altogether.
So my message to Gordon is that if he's really serious about Scotland and the Scottish Parliament, then commit yourself to the cause instead of spending so much time in Abu Dhabi or working for the United Nations.
Not as glamorous, for sure, and subject to a great deal more scrutiny from your peers who wouldn't put up with you having so many extra curricular activities away from your day job.
But the bottom line is that if Gordon really does believe that his country needs him, then it's high time that he stepped up to the mark.
"Where's Gordon Brown?" I asked myself the other day because the part-time Labour MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath seemed not be to at the Labour Party conference in Manchester after intervening in the independence referendum to promise Scotland 'home rule', federalism and more powers than you could shake a shitty stick at.
At first I though Gordo might have flown to Abu Dhabi where he is reportedly contracted to spend 70 days a year at the Abu Dhabi campus of the New York University where he has a second job as a 'distinguished global leader in residence' (DGLIR).
Now when I first heard Gordon's grand title, DGLIR, I thought that he must be have some personal image problems because why you you call yourself that or allow anyone else to give you such a ridiculous title?
Anyway that's another matter for another day, because soon afterwards I read a report that Gordon was at the United Nations in New York where he has a third job as a special envoy on educational matters, which also uses up a lot of his time in far flung places and foreign travel.
We are only eight months away from the next general election and the big question is will Gordon resign his Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath to concentrate on the non-parliamentary interests which take up so much of his time?
I don't know to be honest because he doesn't confide in me, but if he were to ask my advice I would tell him to step down and let someone else pick up the baton because MPs at Westminster are supposed to be full-time, not part-time representatives, of course.
And if his name was Nadine Dorries rather than Gordon Brown the Labour Party at Westminster would be kicking up a great fuss.
Where's Gordon? (3 October 2014)
The Scottish Labour Party seems to have outsourced its leadership function to Gordon Brown in recent weeks.
Because the part-time Labour MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath seems to be running the whole show while the party's putative Scottish leader, Johann Lamont, is nowhere to be seen, reduced to the role of a bag carrier while Gordon bangs his drum.
Now I find this remarkable because Gordon Brown could easily arrange to return to front-line politics in The Scottish Parliament, but I'm sure he won't do so because he has bigger fish too fry and other interests in his life.
Yet the former Labour leader still calls all the shots when it comes to the Scottish Labour Party, for example, one of his supporters and political proteges, Iain Gray MSP, has just been appointed to represent Labour on the all-party commission which is looking at the issue of Devo Max and new powers for the Scottish Parliament.
Meanwhile, Gordon keeps up his exhortations about what should happen and why, for example that the Scottish Parliament should not have full powers over income tax because apparently this represents some kind of elaborate Tory trap, which sounds a bit paranoid if you ask me.
In fact, if you ask me, Gordon Brown's behaviour is all about what's in the best interests of the Labour Party and Gordon Brown himself, rather than what is good or best for the country at large, for example on the issue of English votes for English laws.
Because it seems to me that you cannot convincingly argue that Scots should have control over their own affairs, 'home rule' in Scotland, while trying to deny the same to voters in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Yet that is exactly what Gordon Brown is trying to achieve because the votes of Scottish MPs (which have been mainly Labour up until now) have proved very useful down the years to Labour Governments in the Westminster Parliament.
But just imagine a majority of Scottish MPs were drawn from the SNP or parties other than Labour - you can rest assured that this ridiculous argument would be quickly thrown into reverse before bing abandoned altogether.
So my message to Gordon is that if he's really serious about Scotland and the Scottish Parliament, then commit yourself to the cause instead of spending so much time in Abu Dhabi or working for the United Nations.
Not as glamorous, for sure, and subject to a great deal more scrutiny from your peers who wouldn't put up with you having so many extra curricular activities away from your day job.
But the bottom line is that if Gordon really does believe that his country needs him, then it's high time that he stepped up to the mark.
Where's Gordo? (27 September 2014)
"Where's Gordon Brown?" I asked myself the other day because the part-time Labour MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath seemed not be to at the Labour Party conference in Manchester after intervening in the independence referendum to promise Scotland 'home rule', federalism and more powers than you could shake a shitty stick at.
At first I though Gordo might have flown to Abu Dhabi where he is reportedly contracted to spend 70 days a year at the Abu Dhabi campus of the New York University where he has a second job as a 'distinguished global leader in residence' (DGLIR).
Now when I first heard Gordon's grand title, DGLIR, I thought that he must be have some personal image problems because why you you call yourself that or allow anyone else to give you such a ridiculous title?
Anyway that's another matter for another day, because soon afterwards I read a report that Gordon was at the United Nations in New York where he has a third job as a special envoy on educational matters, which also uses up a lot of his time in far flung places and foreign travel.
We are only eight months away from the next general election and the big question is will Gordon resign his Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath to concentrate on the non-parliamentary interests which take up so much of his time?
I don't know to be honest because he doesn't confide in me, but if he were to ask my advice I would tell him to step down and let someone else pick up the baton because MPs at Westminster are supposed to be full-time, not part-time representatives, of course.
And if his name was Nadine Dorries rather than Gordon Brown the Labour Party at Westminster would be kicking up a great fuss.
Rampant Sexism (12 November 2012)
The Conservative MP for Mid-Befordshire - Nadine Dorries - swans off from the House of Commons for up to 30 days to take part in a celebrity TV programme - which is made in some remote part of Australia.
Result - she gets 'pelters' from all quarters and deservedly so - including from the Deputy Labour Leader - Harriet Harman - while standing in at Prime Minister's Questions (PMQs).
Ms Harman famous for her support of equalities issues even made a lame joke at Nadine's expense - something about the Tory MP having to deal with all kinds of snakes and toads - before she even arrived in the jungle.
So why is the row in the House of Commons so sexist?
Because lots of other MPs swan off when it suits them - including Harriet's Labour colleague and former Prime Minister - Gordon Brown.
Except Gordon is away from his day job for much more time than Nadine Dorries - 70 days a year (every year) in one job alone - at the New York University in Abu Dhabi, for example.
Yet no one says a word - or makes jokes at Prime Minister's Questions.
Maybe they'll start doing so now.
I certainly hope so because it would be a breath of fresh air - and thoroughly deserved.
The Conservative MP for Mid-Befordshire - Nadine Dorries - swans off from the House of Commons for up to 30 days to take part in a celebrity TV programme - which is made in some remote part of Australia.
Result - she gets 'pelters' from all quarters and deservedly so - including from the Deputy Labour Leader - Harriet Harman - while standing in at Prime Minister's Questions (PMQs).
Ms Harman famous for her support of equalities issues even made a lame joke at Nadine's expense - something about the Tory MP having to deal with all kinds of snakes and toads - before she even arrived in the jungle.
So why is the row in the House of Commons so sexist?
Because lots of other MPs swan off when it suits them - including Harriet's Labour colleague and former Prime Minister - Gordon Brown.
Except Gordon is away from his day job for much more time than Nadine Dorries - 70 days a year (every year) in one job alone - at the New York University in Abu Dhabi, for example.
Yet no one says a word - or makes jokes at Prime Minister's Questions.
Maybe they'll start doing so now.
I certainly hope so because it would be a breath of fresh air - and thoroughly deserved.
