A Trouser Problem
I have to laugh at the pathetic attempts of some French 'socialists' to drum up support for Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
The aim is to try and portray their man as the victim of a bizarre - anti-socialist or anti-French - international consipracy.
But the only victim in this affair is a young, lowly paid chambermaid - who was just doing her job at the time - or trying to at least.
Had she been left to get on with it - precisely nothing would have happened - either to her or DSK.
The only reason the whole affair is now splashed across the world's press and media - is that DSK has what is commonly referred to in polite circles - as a 'trouser problem'.
Now if I were DSK, here's the kind of letter I would be writing - to my fellow French socialists.
But if I were a French socialist, I'd be telling Dominique Strauss-Khan - to sling his hook - along with ambitions to become the next President of France.
"Dear Friends
I want to reassure all of my friends and fellow socialists that the young chambermaid I 'met' at the Sofitel Hotel in New York recently - was really 'gagging for it', if you know what I mean.
I know that sounds a bit macho and unprofessional.
But really, what is a red blooded 64-year old Frenchman to do when an attractive young woman makes it clear that - in the middle of tidying and cleaning your room - she's absolutely up for a quick blow job and having unprotected sex?
Now I know I was on official IMF business - an ambassador for the organisation and some of the most powerful governments in the world - during unprecedented economic times.
So why oh why, I hear you ask, didn't I stay at the home of my loyal and lovely wife, Anne Sinclair, who lives just up the road in our opulent, multi-million dollar Manhattan apartment.
I don't know is the answer, but I was most definitely not out on the hunt or on the prowl - seeking promiscuous sex hither and yon - as my female acquaitances (at the IMF and elsewhere) will happily verify.
I do have to admit that had this vile woman put her hands on my wallet, I would have called the NYPD immediately - after alerting the hotel authorities and complaining about the kind of staff they employ.
But the chambermaid kept her hands off my wallet thank goodness - so my money and credit cards were safe at least.
Unlike my 'wiener', as they say here in America, which had a will and mind of its own - as if possessed by some kind of 'rutting chimpanzee'.
So my defence is that despite being an extremely confident, wealthy and powerful individual - I was simply unable to resist the charms of a 32-year old chambermaid - whose irresponsible behaviour has landed me in this mess.
And while I take full responsibility for my own actions - I want to reassure you all that I am not in anyway to blame - because unlikelyas it seems I was seduced and overpowered by a young woman half my size and half my age.
I am, if you will, an innocent victim of circumstances and an insatiable libido - incredible for a man of my age, I know - but this is a fact to which my lovely wife will testify, I hope.
Please accept that this unfortunate incident is essentially a private matter between me and the young chambermaid - not something that should be the subject of jokes, ridicule, wider public debate or further unnecessary court proceedings.
Vive la France!
Dominique Strauss-Khan"
The aim is to try and portray their man as the victim of a bizarre - anti-socialist or anti-French - international consipracy.
But the only victim in this affair is a young, lowly paid chambermaid - who was just doing her job at the time - or trying to at least.
Had she been left to get on with it - precisely nothing would have happened - either to her or DSK.
The only reason the whole affair is now splashed across the world's press and media - is that DSK has what is commonly referred to in polite circles - as a 'trouser problem'.
Now if I were DSK, here's the kind of letter I would be writing - to my fellow French socialists.
But if I were a French socialist, I'd be telling Dominique Strauss-Khan - to sling his hook - along with ambitions to become the next President of France.
"Dear Friends
I want to reassure all of my friends and fellow socialists that the young chambermaid I 'met' at the Sofitel Hotel in New York recently - was really 'gagging for it', if you know what I mean.
I know that sounds a bit macho and unprofessional.
But really, what is a red blooded 64-year old Frenchman to do when an attractive young woman makes it clear that - in the middle of tidying and cleaning your room - she's absolutely up for a quick blow job and having unprotected sex?
Now I know I was on official IMF business - an ambassador for the organisation and some of the most powerful governments in the world - during unprecedented economic times.
So why oh why, I hear you ask, didn't I stay at the home of my loyal and lovely wife, Anne Sinclair, who lives just up the road in our opulent, multi-million dollar Manhattan apartment.
I don't know is the answer, but I was most definitely not out on the hunt or on the prowl - seeking promiscuous sex hither and yon - as my female acquaitances (at the IMF and elsewhere) will happily verify.
I do have to admit that had this vile woman put her hands on my wallet, I would have called the NYPD immediately - after alerting the hotel authorities and complaining about the kind of staff they employ.
But the chambermaid kept her hands off my wallet thank goodness - so my money and credit cards were safe at least.
Unlike my 'wiener', as they say here in America, which had a will and mind of its own - as if possessed by some kind of 'rutting chimpanzee'.
So my defence is that despite being an extremely confident, wealthy and powerful individual - I was simply unable to resist the charms of a 32-year old chambermaid - whose irresponsible behaviour has landed me in this mess.
And while I take full responsibility for my own actions - I want to reassure you all that I am not in anyway to blame - because unlikelyas it seems I was seduced and overpowered by a young woman half my size and half my age.
I am, if you will, an innocent victim of circumstances and an insatiable libido - incredible for a man of my age, I know - but this is a fact to which my lovely wife will testify, I hope.
Please accept that this unfortunate incident is essentially a private matter between me and the young chambermaid - not something that should be the subject of jokes, ridicule, wider public debate or further unnecessary court proceedings.
Vive la France!
Dominique Strauss-Khan"
