Russian Humour

I've never really regarded as Valdimir Putin as a man with a good sense of humour - somehow the Russian President's background as a KGB spook didn't lend itself to thinking of Vlad as the kind of chap with whom you could enjoy a good old belly laugh.

But I take it all back, I was wrong and I'm not afraid to admit as much - because President Putin has had me in stitches over these past couple of days with his official denial that the American NSA (national Security Agency) 'spook on the run' - Eric Snowden - has not laid his little feet on Russian soil.

Now as anyone who travels regularly these days will tell you - there are lots of officious officials at every airport in the world who are only to keen to let you know that if you don't do exactly what they say - then you will be escorted off the premises by security and delivered into the arms of the waiting police - who will arrest you and throw you in jail.

So the fact that the transit lounge in Moscow airport has suddenly become a safe haven from tyrants, petty officials and foreign governments  - a place which is part of Mother Russia yet not part of Mother Russia at the same time (even when a fugitive traveller turns up without a valid passport) - is a really great comic idea.

Like something out of Planes, Trains and Automobiles - a great travel film starring Steve Martin and the late John Candy.  

Yet, in reality, everyone knows that all these spooks and spies are spying on each other's countries all of the time - though in some cases things turn nasty and deadly as they did with the Russian exile Alexander Litvinenko - who was mysteriously poisoned by ingesting a fatal dose of radioactive Polonium one day, shortly after having tea in the centre of London.

Nothing funny about that you might say - and you'd be dead right.

Yes, Prime Minister (7 Ooctober 2011)

The newspapers yesterday gave a whole new meaning to the old TV catch-phrase - Yes, Prime Minister!

Apparently a film showing Russian Prime Minister and all round 'action man' - Vladimir Putin - discovering ancient Greek pottery while diving at the bottom of the Black sea - was completely staged.

Now Vlad - as he's known to his friends - was diving with a handy film crew in tow - when he came across the two ancient pieces of pottery - and his 'discovery' was shown on Russian TV with the PM proudly showing off his trophies.

"It's my trophy", Putin reportedly said at the time.

The following month the current Russian President - Dmtry Medvedev - announced he would be standing down in Putin's favour in the next presidential election.

Which leaves the way clear for Russia's 'iron man' - to serve another 8 year term as president - a post he has held previously of course - between 2000 and 2008.

But the Russian authorities have now admitted that it was all a put-up job - with a spokesman Dmitry Peskov admitting that:

"Putin did not find the amphorae on the sea bed that had been lying there for thousands of years."

That is obvious. They were found during an (archaeological) expedition several weeks or days beforehand.

"Of course, they were then left there (for him to find) or placed there. It is a completely normal thing to do."

Which of course it is - especially if you don't want to find a dose of radioactive Polonium in your teapot.

So I can understand why Presidential or Prime Ministerial lackeys - would want to go out of their way to show their man - in the best possible light.

Me - I'd be leaving Rolex watches and fancy goods all over the place - in the hope of currying a bit of favour.

But next time you see Vlad wrestling a bear - or saving young children from a burning building - just take it with a big pinch of salt.

Meantime I'm going to e-mail David Cameron's office to suggest that on Vlad's next visit to the UK - in keeping with his 'iron man' image - Vlad should have his drinks served in a dirty glass - and be invited to bite the caps off his own beer bottles.