Para Handy Saves the Navy

The good folk of Scotland will sleep sounder in their beds tonight.

Safe in the knowledge that one of the world's most sophisticated submarines - has been rescued by a commercial tug boat.

Apparently, HMS Astute - which ran aground off the coast of Skye - makes less noise in the water than a dolphin as it prowls the seas - in search of terrorists and other threats.

Now, I'm no expert - but it does strike me that being stuck on a mudbank under the Skye Bridge - is not the best of vantage points - from which to defend the UK from a nuclear missile attack.

So let's just rejoice that a tugboat was on hand to save the day - and our country from its deadly, unseen enemies.

And in celebration I hereby propose that the HMS Astute should be immediately renamed - The Vital Spark.