Thin Blue Line

People living in the Dumfries & Galloway region of Scotland will be pleased to learn that the police are awash with resources - if this report from Private Eye is anything to go by.  

FUNNY OLD WORLD

COMPILED BY VICTOR LEWIS-SMITH

"I was shocked to discover a human ear lying on the grass," the site manager of Bruce's cave caravan park near Kirkpatrick told reporters, "and I thought 'where's the rest of the body?' So I alerted my boss, who poked the ear with a stick, then called the police. We were shocked at the number who turned up. There were over 50 officers, CID, an armed response unit, divers and a helicopter..

"The police searched every one of our 80 vans in case someone was seriously injured or dead. We all had to give statements and they even had police officers standing guard at every entrance to the caravan park. Then the ear was taken away for examination by a doctor in Dumfries, who said it was a real human body part. It wasn't until the next day, when it was checked by a forensic scientist in Glasgow, that we found out the ear was fake.

The site manager's wife added that "although it seems quite funny now, it was really stressful at the time. That doctor needs a kick up the backside for not realising it was fake, and the amount of money spent on this pointless search will be huge. I've since found out that fake ears, noses, and even hearts are sold in gift shops. If I find anything like it again, it will be chucked straight over a hedge, human or not."

A police spokesman said that "we deployed resources commensurate with information available at the time." An NHS spokesman said "it would be inappropriate to comment."

(Dumfries and Galloway Standard, 24/4/13 Spotter:Anon)