Dangerous Drinks
Anne Treneman, sketch writer for The Times, paints a picture of the Labour leader Ed Miliband as a crème de menthe which is surely one of the world's worst drinks.
Billy Connolly once told a joke about two Scotsmen visiting Rome who ask in a bar, "What does the Pope drink?"
And by the magic of the internet here is the Big Yin strutting his stuff.
Ed serves up a crème de menthe of claptrap
Jeremy noted that Labour had had a terrible start to its campaign Getty Images
By Ann Treneman - The Times
Jeremy Vine did sound rather excited but day-time radio presenters are good at that. “Ed Miliband is heading down the corridor now!” he cried
Jeremy Vine did sound rather excited but then, I guess, day-time radio presenters are good at that. “Ed Miliband is heading down the corridor now!” he cried.
I wanted to shout: “Run away!”
Instead, I suspect the nation rushed for the kettle. In times of national emergency, such as Ed Miliband coming down the corridor, we need tea. Or, maybe, something stronger.
Yesterday a focus group was asked which leaders remind them of what drinks. (I am not making this up and, as it’s the election, it’s going to get worse.) David Cameron was a glass of red and Nigel Farage a pint of bitter. Nick Clegg was a Babycham or a Woo-Woo cocktail (don’t ask). But poor Ed was seen as a crème de menthe. Yes, incredible. That weird green-as-a -Martian thing that no one, except my parents, ever drinks.
So, there was Ed, crème de menthe in hand, tiny glass, pinkie extended coming down the corridor. Jeremy noted, voice steady, but then he is a professional, that Ed was trying to be prime minister in May.
“I’m really enjoying the campaign,” burbled Ed. Can this be true, I wondered. Was he drunk already?
“What I enjoy is going around and talking to people about the different visions on offer,” said Ed. Of course we knew this, from his conference speech, when he told us about roaming around parks, meeting people named Gareth.
Jeremy noted that Labour had had a terrible start to its campaign, what with last week’s attacks by big business and Ed Balls not being able to remember any backers except someone named Bill.
Could Ed name a big business backer now? “There are lots of them,” insisted Ed. “I mean look . . .”
Jeremy interrupted: “Anyone?”
Surely, by now, the Labour party will have put together a list of business supporters, many no doubt named Gareth? But, no, it seems not. Because now Ed announced: “I was with somebody called Dale Vince last week in Stroud.”
Dale Vince? A man with two first names?
“He runs a company called Ecotricity. It’s a medium-size business. He’s a big backer of us. That’s just one example. We have got people I’m very proud of in the House of Lords . . .” Desperate stuff. Jeremy remained chirpy, but then he would be chirpy in Armageddon. “And so why did it start so badly?”
“I would see it in a different way, Jeremy,” said Ed. Of course he would. Labour had been attacked by someone from Boots who was a tax exile in Monaco. “There is a big choice at this election,” said Ed. “Do we build a country that works for hard-working families and businesses?”
Ed wanted to talk about his new policy to give dads four weeks of paternity leave instead two. But Ed never just presents a policy. He prefers to see things as part of an intellectual movement. Paternity leave, for instance, is really about something else: “It goes to my philosophy which is when working people are doing well and succeeding, that is when Britain succeeds.”
Who talks like that? A man with a glass of crème de menthe in his hand, that’s who.
