Seagulls Don't Drink Or SMoke
Seagulls Don't Drink or Smoke (22/07/11)
To my mind they are the vermin of the skies - and for the life of me I can't understand why they are a protected species.
Now my grievances against gulls are many, varied and deeply held - so let's get a few of their worst characteristics on the record.
Seagulls are highly aggressive, territorial birds that live in towns and cities these days - they make their living by plundering people's rubbish - and by robbing their smaller avian cousins such as magpies.
Seagulls are not possessed of a lovely call or birdsong - instead they squawk and screech raucously - at all hours of the day and night - and without any regard to their neighbours or the noise pollution by-laws.
Worse still - if they have a chick - the ugly, fledgling bird follows its parents around for weeks on end - whistling incessantly as it begs for food.
In Glasgow these foul creatures spread rubbish everywhere littering the streets - crapping on everyone as the go - and seem to live on a diet of chips and half-eaten kebabs.
But they don't drink or smoke - as far as I can tell - so maybe that's the secret of their longevity and success.
As soon as I become Prime Minister - or even the leader of Glasgow City Council - I am going to campaign for a new law to rid us of these pests.
In a humane fashion of course - even though the demons inside me want to exact a terrible revenge.
What's needed is a policy and plan for removing their eggs - replacing them with false eggs - because the birds are too stupid to know any different.
And before you know it - a whole generation or two of gulls get wiped out - and peace and calm is restored to our city centres.
http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/news/inothernews/15455576.Almost_200_gulls_shot_as_city_cracks_down/
Almost 200 seagulls shot as city cracks down
ALMOST 200 seagulls, including 30 chicks, have been shot this year after a Scots city decided to take lethal measures over a plague of aggressive birds.
After trying everything from noise deterrents, plastic owls, anti-landing systems and netting, Dundee City Council has taken to using deadly force in a bid to control the birds.
Attacks on locals and visitors to the town have been increasing, with the out of control gull population dive bombing their victims to steal food.
The council has also removed 401 individual gull eggs as measures to control numbers intensify.
Gulls are protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981, which makes it illegal to kill, injure or remove any wild bird.
Shooting the animals is only ever considered as a last resort, where it has been demonstrated every non-lethal alternative has been exhausted.
People leaving food, either by dropping it or feeding birds, has led to gulls becoming familiar with humans to the point of identifying them as a food source.
Warmer weather in city environments has also induced the birds to reproduce in in larger numbers.
Last month 80-year-old Margaret Cruickshanks suffered a heart attack after being repeatedly dive-bombed by a seagull.
A spokesmann for Dundee City Council said: “We know gulls can often be a cause for considerable distress and annoyance and we continually pursue tried and tested as well as innovative solutions to the problems that arise from these birds.”
