Swallows and Amazons
Hugo Rifkind had great fun in The Times the other day with his My Week column which he re-imagined Jeremy Corbyn's disarms run-in with Virgin Trains as a trip to the cinema to see the new Swallows and Amazons movie
My Week: Jeremy Corbyn*
By Hugo Rifkind - The Times
“I’m on a train to Glasgow for tonight’s hustings. With a seat. Shut up”
JANE BARLOW/PA
Monday
It’s a quiet day, so I’ve taken all of my supporters in the Parliamentary Labour Party to the cinema to see Swallows and Amazons. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough seats.
“Yes there are,” says the usher, shining his torch.
Not if we all want to sit together, I explain.
“But there are over 40 of you,” says the usher. “And you didn’t book.”
This is precisely the problem with a privatised cinema industry. We’ll have to sit on the floor.
“You can’t,” says the usher.
Seumas, my press guy, is hovering, unhappily. He hates the cinema, on account of it being an instrument of false consciousness, but he says the usher has a point. It’s simply not plausible to expect that my entire parliamentary support could all sit together in a place as small as this.
“Unless you come back in a year!” says Tom Watson, brightly.
“Why is he still here?” demands John McDonnell.
Tom says he just really wanted to see the film.
Jeremy Corbyn and the Virgin Train controversy
“Yes there are,” says the usher, shining his torch.
Not if we all want to sit together, I explain.
“But there are over 40 of you,” says the usher. “And you didn’t book.”
This is precisely the problem with a privatised cinema industry. We’ll have to sit on the floor.
“You can’t,” says the usher.
Seumas, my press guy, is hovering, unhappily. He hates the cinema, on account of it being an instrument of false consciousness, but he says the usher has a point. It’s simply not plausible to expect that my entire parliamentary support could all sit together in a place as small as this.
“Unless you come back in a year!” says Tom Watson, brightly.
“Why is he still here?” demands John McDonnell.
Tom says he just really wanted to see the film.
Jeremy Corbyn and the Virgin Train controversy
Tuesday
Midway through the morning, Seumas comes running in and says there’s a problem with our last YouTube video. The one about the busy Virgin train to Newcastle.
I think I know why. I said “ram-packed” instead of “jam-packed”.
Meaningless. It’s been bothering me all week.
“No,” says Seumas. “It’s because you sat on the floor and said there were no seats. But Virgin has released CCTV showing that there were loads. And that you sat in one of them.”
Immediately, there’s uproar. Some people reckon we should insist that the seats that looked free in fact had incredibly small people in them. One of whom I sat on. Somebody else says our best defence is to insist that they were all reserved, and that merely being the Labour leader isn’t enough to force somebody out of a seat they’ve legitimately secured.
“Unless they’re a Blairite,” says Diane Abbott, who may not have been listening.
