Pathetic Excuses


I enjoyed this list of well-worn pathetic excuses which appear as a spoof Christmas gift (Corporate Reply Dice) in the festive edition of Private Eye - the UK's best (and only) fortnightly satirical magazine.

CORPORATE REPLY DICE

"Includes all the classics   

Ideal for anyone in need of a quick stock reply to get off the hook - only £500 per pair

1 "We acted on information we believed was correct at the time"

2 "We fulfilled all our legal requirements"

3 "I can't comment on individual cases"

4 "Obviously it fell way short of our expectations....."

5 "Lessons will be learned...."

6 "There have been failings in the system, however, substantial progress has been made"

7 Or why not throw a six with: No government minister/company executive/trust director is available to comment"   

Corporate Reply Dice - means never having to say your sorry.

Recommended for use on Radio 4's Today, News at 1, 6 or 10 and Newsnight."

My two personal favourites are Numbers 2 and 5.

Number 2 is typically used by people who are trying to shirk all responsibility for giving duff advice and causing a terrible cock-up.

While Number 5  is the refuge of bureaucrats everywhere as they try and wriggle off the hook - yet without taking any effective action against the wrongdoers.

Popular posts from this blog

Kentucky Fried Seagull

Hugh Fearnley Whitingstall is one of my favourite - and endearingly bonkers - TV chefs. The River Cottage chef has a some imaginative ideas for adding seagulls to the national diet - including a recipe for Kentucky Fried Seagull - would you believe. Here's what HFW has to say on the subjecy -  I think I'll contact Hugh - and ask if he'll join the TAPAS campaign. "Vermin with wings? Chicken of the sea? Or just an opportunity missed?" "First and foremost, before we all go on a mad seagull killing frenzy. In the U.K it is against the law to kill seagulls or interfere with their nests under the countryside and wildlife act. Some Councils are allowed to cull them however, and usually do this by either poisoning or shooting them. How to catch your seagull. Remember this is against the law in the U.K. I don't want the Men in Blue knocking at the door because someone said that Foodimum told them it was okay to catch and eat seagulls. It isn...
Read more

Can Anyone Be A Woman?

Image
"All we ask... is FULL RIGHTS as women" 🤡 The legal lunacy that led to the recent Tickle V Giggle judgement was fought for as far back as the 30s. The Trans Takeover of Womanhood - 100 Years of Madness premieres this eve at UK time 🍿 https://t.co/1nzx8gxNA3 #Womanhood … pic.twitter.com/cZOkBrKPof — MrMenno 🏳️‍🌈🎶 (@MrMennoTweets) October 2, 2024 Mr Menno's response to the absurd 'Trans Takeover of Womanhood' - is intelligent, well researched and hilarious into the bargain. A must watch!    
Read more