Loch Ness Monster

I laughed at this parliamentary sketch in The Herald the other day which reports that the Prime Minister, David Cameron, has developed a potentially lethal put down of the Labour leader with the observation that more voters in Scotland believe in the Loch Ness Monster than in the leadership qualities of Ed Miliband.

It's Klass warfare as Nessie forms part of the jibes in monster House

The Herald - hursday 20 November 2014

I've heard of being monstered but this was ridiculous.

With just 48 hours to go, the Rochester by-election overshadowed PMQs - naturally - and despite Mark Reckless's noble attempt at political self-immolation, Ukip remains poised to rack up another victory tomorrow.

Labour tried to goad the Tory toff by enquiring who next would defect to the Farage fold but Blue Dave, robotlike, again, made clear the only party offering an in-out referendum on the UK's EU membership was the Conservative Party.

As Red Ed rose the ironic Tory cheer was louder than normal, which prompted the Labour leader to snip: "Let's see if they're still cheering on Friday." This caused an even louder cheer from the comrades (It's such grown-up stuff this PMQs).

Ed tried to skewer Dave on why he was promoting the so-called 'bedroom tax' to penalise the poor, noting how a rape victim was being taken to court to force her to pay it - for her panic room.

As Labour MPs cried shame, the PM, nose raised, insisted this was why the scheme had a discretionary payment to help certain hardship cases.

But Ed had a second part to his attack on the mansion tax, which, given the events of the week, was, as Sir Humphrey might have put it, a brave decision.

After the Labour leader highlighted how it was wrong for a multi-millionaire to pay the same property tax as someone on modest means, Dave could not resist a political poke in the Miliband eye given the chief comrade's on-screen confrontation with Myleene Klass, declaring to Tory cheers how his opponent had had "a pasting from a pop star".

The chief comrade contemptuously insisted that was just the sort of remark he expected from the Tory toff, who only felt the "pain of people struggling to find a £2m garage".

But Dave quipped back, barking: "In the last week, he's been called useless, hopeless, out of his depth, doesn't cut it and an absolute disaster - and that's just what the frontbench think."

As Ed, his voice cracking, launched another impassioned finger-jabbing attack on the Government's failing record on the NHS, the smirking Tory toff was on a roll and had yet another quip ready.

"This was the week Myleene Klass wiped the floor with him and when there was an opinion poll in Scotland which showed more people believe in the Loch Ness Monster than believe in his leadership!"

As the Tories whooped merrily, Dave added: "The only problem for the Labour Party is - he does actually exist."

The panto season has arrived early this year.