Tip of the Week

My tip of the week for saving money in these harsh economic times is avoid a trip to the cinema to see 'The Master' - a new film starring Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Not only is the film boring and dreary - it is complete 'mince', in my humble opinion,  from start to finish which is no mean feat I have to tell you - especially as The Master has no discernible beginning, middle or end.

Now some might say The Master has fine leading actors - which is true - because Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman (PSH) have starred, for example, in Gladiator and Walk the Line - The Big Lebowski and Capote, respectively.

To name but a few highlights from their films careers - so far at least.

PSH plays Lancaster Dodd - the film's eponymous Master - a mysterious, but genial, Svegali-like, cult figure who Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoneix) literally stumbles across while drunk - and goes on to befriend with a fierce and occasionally violent loyalty. 

In truth a more apt title for the movie would be The Disciple because Freddie Quell is the central, if unengaging, figure not PSH - but not even the best acting in the world can rescue a storyline which is unfathomable, impenetrable and at the end of the day - just downright boring and dull.

I thought of walking out and going for a beer before the first hour was up - that's how bad it was.

To use a footballing analogy - it would be like watching Lionel Messi (the world's best player unless your name is Christiano Ronaldo) kick the ball into an empty net 20 times - while the game's other 23 players all stayed up at the other end of the pitch.

Now what would be the point in that? 

Exactly - and that's exactly what I thought in taking my leave of 'The Master' - 'what the hell was that all about?' - though sadly, by that time, I had paid good money to sit though two hours of complete mince, as I said previously.

The only 'admirable' thing I would say about the film is the way Joaquin Phoenix  transforms himself from a good looking, handsome guy - into an emaciated, twitching, alcoholic wreck - albeit one with virtually no redeeming features.

And the audience doesn't even get to really know why he became such a mess - although there is the suspicion of an unrequited love with The Master.

So if that's your idea of a fun Saturday night out, then good luck is all I can say - otherwise I'd stay at home, watch Strictly Come Dancing - and invest in a nice bottle of wine.