Sunday, 1 April 2012
With polling day in sight for Scotland's local council elections - Thursday 3rd May - I thought I'd revisit my campaign to tackle the dreaded menace of Glasgow's seagulls.
So I have written to Glasgow City Council - not about equal pay for change - but on the need to tackle these foul birds.
And just to prove it's not an April Fool's stunt - here's a copy of my letter to the present Labour leader of the Council - Councillor Gordon Matheson - along with a previous post from the blog site archive.
I just hope he's up to the task - because it's definitely not one for the faint-hearted .
Dear Councillor Matheson,
Glasgow's Urban Gull Menace
I would like to raise an issue with you as Council leader and fellow resident of Glasgow's city centre - the menace of urban seagulls.
I am sure you are familiar with the problem - the noise, the nuisance, the mess - as well as the aggresssive way that these birds behave especially during the nesting season.
I would like to know what steps Glasgow City Council is taking to address a growing problem and one that can make life in the city centre very unplesasant - particularly at certain times of the year.
I am sending a copy of this letter to my local councillor, but as the seagull menace is not confined to ward boundaries I thought I might as well just go straight to the top - by writing directly to you as Council Leader.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I attach a recent BBC news item on the subject - "Ministers declare war on plague of urban seagulls" - for your information
Seagulls Don't Drink or Smoke (22 July 2011)
Seagulls are my least favourite creatures in the world- by a mile.
To my mind they are the vermin of the skies - and for the life of me I can't understand why they are a protected species.
Now my grievances against gulls are many, varied and deeply held - so let's get a few of their worst characteristics on the record.
Seagulls are highly aggressive, territorial birds that live in towns and cities these days - they make their living by plundering people's rubbish - and by robbing their smaller avian cousins such as magpies.
Seagulls are not possesed of a lovely call or birdsong - instead they squawk and screech raucously - at all hours of the day and night - and without any regard to their neighbours or the noise pollution by-laws.
Worse still - if they have a chick - the ugly, fledgling bird follows its parents around for weeks on end - whistling incessantly as it begs for food.
In Glasgow these foul creatures spread rubbish everywhere littering the streets - crapping on everyone as the go - and seem to live on a diet of chips and half-eaten kebabs.
But they don't drink or smoke - as far as I can tell - so maybe that's the secret of their longevity and success.
As soon as I become Prime Minister - or even the leader of Glasgow City Council - I am going to campaign for a new law to rid us of these pests.
In a humane fashion of course - even though the demons inside me want to exact a terrible revenge.
What's needed is a policy and plan for removing their eggs - replacing them with false eggs - because the birds are too stupid to know any different.
And before you know it - a whole generation or two of gulls get wiped out - and peace and calm is restored to our city centres.